Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
