For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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