hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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