She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
