went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
