You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
