You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
