How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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