i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
