butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
