my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
