so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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