Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize