dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
false alarm. still invincible.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Watching her eat just hurts me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
