I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
