Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
