So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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