I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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