it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
