..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
