How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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