Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
