Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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