So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
