apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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