Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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