So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
farters have to be the big spoon...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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