Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
