Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
