I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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