so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
