It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
