At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
