I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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