i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
