i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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