I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
