I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
