I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
