Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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