i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
