I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
