I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
