Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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