so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
