hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I did not marry a roomba.
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