All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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