I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
