my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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