I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
