I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
