I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
