do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
