I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
