How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
