hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
