That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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