K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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