I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
