I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
