is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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