sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize