I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
