I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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