no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
