Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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