Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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