Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
