I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
