dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
