sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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