When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
