I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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