Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
