my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize
