My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
