Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
