I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
