You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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