If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
