ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
