OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
