im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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