He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
