Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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