Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
