Are we in a gay sports bar?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
