I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
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