Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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