Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Im part way to drunk.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize