Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
