Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
