Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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