he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
