Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
