I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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