there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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