i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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