I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
