Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
His nipple licking is glorious
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