the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
