went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
