I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
