Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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