doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
