Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
